PPS#119 | Communication & Connection

As a follow up to the last post, ‘Adapting to Change’, channels to express negative emotions; and in doing so, the importance of communication and connection.

Dear Patient Reader,

Very often, we carry heavy weights of emotion around with us. Though heavy, they are small in size making them easy to carry around. They're carried in our jean pockets, in the small pocket of our blazer. They’re found at the bottom of our messy bags.

Good news though because, “Have no fear, channels are here!” (with less drama: Superman theme song playing in the background). There are various channels that can be used to lighten and transfer the weight of very heavy weights, to lessen, and be more in control of heavy feelings. Emotions such as mental pain, which is often paired with physical pain, are extremely draining. The physical pain being felt is a mirroring-affect, of the trauma of illness in the mind being reflected onto the body by the self, and vice versa. This is a serious case though, as pain comes in subtle forms, and in all shapes and sizes.

Channels 1 to 3: Speaking through Communication

1. Self-Communication

To foster connection with the self.

So vital to our health, and the channel of communication I have the strongest affinity to. Though, as a result, I am often disconnected from the reality of the moment. Though disadvantageous in more ways than one, self-talk allows you to distance yourself from your feelings. Thus, giving you the chance to take on other perspectives. To keep away from pain and neglect, and towards growth and well-being as the crucial priority. I’d like to be clear that self-communication is not talking to yourself out loud, or anything you might imagine along those lines. Self-communication is virtuous and far-reaching in the ways it allows you to see your state-of-self at a distance. Then to decide on what work and changes need to be done to your current mental state and bodily health.

Reason being that I see all the virtue in moving in rather than outwards. To tune into yourself: “tuning in” to your thoughts and feelings. Instead of pouring it all out onto someone else.

2. Verbal Communication

To foster connection with others.

Here, intentionally pouring it all out onto somebody else, whether on being asked to or because you want to. For it to work, the receiving person has to willingly agree to take on the weight of your shared conversation.

Real conversation between two persons happens when you can find, identify and share a common point of interest or concern. A common point that both persons want to take on. Without harsh judgement and expectations, but a free giving of unattached thoughts to the other person.

3. Open Communication

To foster connection with society.

Such as in the workplace, at the doctor, or at the grocery store.

The basics of communication are first learnt at home, the first environment where we interact with other humans. For babies, their home is where they involve in the dynamics of family life. It’s where they learn the dynamics of interacting with other people for the very first time. Before reaching the speaking age range, babies are immersed in dialogue, conversation, phrases and expressions. When a toddler, they start to associate facial expressions and body language to emotions. Each emotion has a set of related words and phrases. They are able to understand and respond to gestures without yet having learnt a complete vocabulary.

Open communication at home, means that parents, parent-figures, and guardians teach and encourage a child to express his needs. So that one can quickly understand the child’s needs and wants, because she is able to talk audibly and clearly = Ease of communication. About 20-40% of the world’s population identifies as shy, while 25-40% identify as introverted. This is disfavoured, for the most part, due to the child’s incapability of proper communication. For a child not to be able to maintain a short conversation at a reasonable pitch (the highness or lowness of a voice), such as stating your name and age, which school you go to and answering basic questions; becomes a social deficit.

From the home to school, to the workplace and public spaces we all learn to communicate to other people on a regular basis because we are social beings. We communicate so that our opinions, wants, and needs are understood.

Channels 1 to 3: Through Connection

1. Connection of Interest

To connect to people who you share common points of interest with.

We are very different individuals, but one interest that is shared by two people can bring them together in connection. Mutual interest feeds conversation which forms a connection.

Communication through connection of interest is one of the most primal channels. In the days of long ago, villages of common interest came together to defend themselves in heightened numbers from their rivals. In its constructive methods of building friendships and relationships, connection of interest sparks collaboration and grows positive emotions. Friendships and relationships are formed through this type of connection because we are able to identify with each other. Finding similarities is a social end in itself. We love what’s like us, and hate what’s not. Connection of interest may not be the appropriate channel for expressing negative feelings, but it is the starting point which leads to verbal communication at a later stage.

2. Connection of Energy

To connect to people who have a similar energy to yours.

In other words, connecting to people who vibe on your frequency. Each energy has a frequency. A vibrational stream which defines our personality traits. The energy source we feed off to get about our day. Though diverse, energies are categorised into groups, in which the types can be classed as generative or consuming. In context to this particular channel the give-or-take energy types are people who willingly give of their energy. We do this spontaneously because connection of energy happens naturally and involves less decision-making.

3. Connection of Love

To connect to family and friends through the love you have for them.

The warmest and the fuzziest modes of connection, as well as the deepest channel of communication in my opinion. Is the connection of love we share with our loved ones. However with every silver lining is its grey cloud; connections of love are complex and can easily be weakened or cut off. Love, the biggest of feelings needs the most precaution and care. Nonetheless, the loveliest and a highly rewarding connection when made and maintained in a healthy manner.

Whichever channel you most identify with, whether it be of communication or connection, the expression of our positive and negative emotions naturally forge channels through which they flow through.

Till the next.

P.S. Very long sentences, but I hope you bear with me.

P.P.S. The next post is titled ‘5 Wonders of Our Senses’, and is about the 5 human senses.

Followed by ‘The Sixth Sense’, also known as proprioception (the perception of our body’s position in space) in the next next post.